Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Saturday, October 30, 2004Dear Diary,i finally mastered the skill of having a "poker face". isn't that great? nobody could tell how i was actually feeling inside. well maybe because i choose not to show, but ya. i was talking to si hui today and i told her i had to be independent. i really wondered if i could do it, and if i could not, who could i turn to. i didn't even turn to my dearest unswornie swornie sister because i didn't want any of my bestest buddies to be affected by how i'm feeling. i was really lost because i really had no idea who i could really turn to. and after talking to si hui today, i found myself to be a fool cause i realise how silly i was to treasure that person when she didn't even cherish me. how dumb of me, can you believe it, i actually treasure a person whom hardly cared about my existence. maybe its because i'm the sunshine girl whom people think i have nothing to worry about, or maybe that person really doesn't care. i don't know, do i really look that happy go lucky to everyone. i feel so stupid having to cherish the wrong person and now, i find myself alone and have no one to lean on. but then again, at least there's my koala bear. okay better don't say anymore, later she say i muchy. i don't get it, how do you define mushiness... hm... oh ya! and i won a dollar from si hui because of... hehe... better not say, later she punch me... ;) oh right, come ti think of it, i haven't said why i was upset. wait, did i even mention i'm upset cause i am. i'm freaking worried for my family cause we're just probably gonna go bankrupt soon. i wonder how many checks have been rejected cause there just wasn't even money. i wonder why my dad even bought a new computer when we're already at our dead ends. i wonder how long my mum's savings are gonna last us, and she's still thinking of putting my sis and me through this intensive music theory thing so we can sit for the theory paper in march. don't you think she's insane? everyday i can't help but think when we'll ever go dry. before i eat i've gotta think of whether this is considered wasting money or not. and my mum just doesn't want me to work. why? urgh!!! oh and you know what i discovered about myself today after talking to si hui? i realise i'm not nice. i'm mean and evil. i'm selfish, i'm someone totally bad. argh!!! i'm just so freaking puzzled at myself i feel like jumping off right now... haish, but anyway, thank goodness school's over, at least now i've got all the time to get over these silly stuff my lil brain thinks about. jeez. but anyhow i still gotta pray for the people around me, so i think the song below really protrays what i wanna say. I'm just the same as you I could be the same age too Do the same music you do Everyday No matter what separates us The same stars we see at night No matter what suffers against us Still gonna have dream burning right I believe we fear what we don't know, we can be our own enemy But if we concord and If you took my hand I see a girl you see a man Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a life Love somebody they won't Open your eyes we're all the same We won't be scared So let's sing together now Na na na na In this Universal Prayer Oh oh … na na na na I see the smoking light That complicates a simple life I'm here and you are there Miles away All you gotta do is believe That anything you want you can reach There's no limit to what we could be So open your mind And set yourself free I believe we fear what we don't know, we can be our own enemy But if we concord and If you took my hand I see a girl you see a man Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a life Love somebody they won't Open your eyes we're all the same We won't be scared So let's sing together now Na na na na In this Universal Prayer And in this dream I have at night That I don't understand the world at all You might be right but it seems to me That we've come to fight to far Cause I believe that fears I try to save our souls And hardest time will come And all this pain will go So try to understand The precious things I've said Every woman every man Oh oh … na na na na Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a life Love somebody they won't Open your eyes we're all the same We won't be scared So let's sing together now Na na na na In this Universal Prayer Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a life Love somebody they won't Open your eyes we're all the same We won't be scared So let's sing together now Na na na na In this Universal Prayer Oh oh … na na na na |